Lessons Learned in Seasons of Waiting
Hi there! My name is Carley Boyette and you’ll find me hosting Good News on Entertainment on CTN. I absolutely love my job and being a part of the CTN family. But my GREATEST joy in life can be found at home.
I am married to my high school sweetheart and we have three beautiful children, all currently under the age of 10. Most days, our house is loud, messy, and busy. I’ll be honest, it’s really easy to get overwhelmed with laundry, dishes and keeping up with schedules.
But then I remember, it wasn’t so long ago, I was in a world of anguish not knowing if I would ever have children at all. I’ll share the cliff notes of my story in hopes I may be an encouragement to anyone who may need it.
My relatively short stint with infertility was one of the most challenging things I have ever gone through, BUT it was also one of my biggest faith builders and seasons of spiritual growth.
Being the daughter of identical twins AND granddaughter of fraternal twins, the thought never crossed my mind that starting a family would be challenging. In fact, I almost assumed genetics were in my favor and I would have twins of my own. Because my husband and I married right after college and were still pretty young, we took our time enjoying married life before thinking about starting a family. After all, it was going to be so easy, right?
At the time my husband and I had decided we were ready to start a family, we had just moved back to Florida after living in Eastern North Carolina for almost six years. We had bought our first 4-bedroom home in the Fort Myers area and had the perfect SUV that I envisioned bringing babies home in from the hospital. But weeks turned into months, and then months turned into well over a year, and nothing was happening.
Because I was nearing my 30th birthday and knew time was of the essence, I finally got some preliminary testing done. It was explained that we had “unexplained infertility”. What an annoying diagnosis. I credit myself with being a problem solver, how could we solve it, if we didn’t know WHY I was not getting pregnant? Was God holding out on us? Was HE the one that was telling us “no” or “not yet”? Meanwhile, everywhere I looked, people were starting families. I remember even attending a TRIPLE baby shower for colleagues at work. I was constantly watching women around me announce their “good news”, some in my own family. I WANTED to be happy for them, but my heart ached. It was a constant cycle of guilt, frustration, and confusion that I was living with day in and day out. It was an exhausting roller coaster. My prayer at the time was, “God, if it’s not in your will for me to have children, just please take the desire away. I can’t live with the disappointment anymore.”
But as I mentioned, this season of life was also one of my biggest faith builders. One morning in particular, I remember my husband and I driving to church and I was already beginning to pour out my heart to God. I remember longing for a child for the specific reason of knowing what it felt like to be called “Mom”. To have a real relationship and bond with a child. A few moments later, I was in church and in the middle of a worship song. As I was singing in the congregation, I felt the love of God absolutely consume me. It was also one of the first times I almost heard him audibly speak to me saying, “Carley as much as you desire a relationship with a child, I want that same relationship with YOU. You are my child. Keep seeking me, keep trusting me.” I’m not sure if I have ever felt more loved than I did in that moment.
You would think after such a powerful morning, I would be able to trust God and “let it go”, right? Nope. Thanks to this human flesh we are in, I would still have days where I would wake up sad and frustrated. At this point we were closing in on two years of infertility. I had tried some minor procedures and treatments, but it was now time to see a specialist and discuss our options. My husband and I knew we would have some pretty big decisions to make and to be honest, I just didn’t think I could mentally go through with anything. I was already so emotionally drained.
It was an early morning in January of 2012 that everything changed. I woke up once again, angry. So, I went searching for my bible and told God, I was giving Him ONE more chance to change my heart and attitude. Yes, I realize how pathetic it sounds. Who I am to give God an ultimatum? But I was desperate to hear from Him. And that’s when everything changed for me. I opened my study bible and turned to that day’s suggested chapter reading. Genisis 18. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. On the morning I was BEGGING to hear from Him, he led me to the story of Abraham and Sarah. Here I am, longing for a child and desperate to hear from my Heavenly Father and he leads me to a story about God promising a child to Abraham and Sarah… despite her age. When Sarah laughs, God says, “do you really think I can’t do this?”. It was in that moment, peace overwhelmed me. God finally allowed me to realize, I wasn’t in control and didn’t need to be.
He is my Father and I can trust him with my life, plans, and dreams. I always knew that, but for whatever reason God allowed me to FEEL it.
It wasn’t even two weeks after that second powerful morning that I found out I was pregnant. No medical help needed. Our daughter was born later that year. Her middle name is Faith. She is my constant reminder of how faithful our God is. And to prove God can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ask or imagine, I got pregnant again six months after she was born. Our first daughter and son are only 15 months apart. Fast forward a few years after that, and we now have a “bonus baby” as well. My mama heart truly feels like it could explode at times.
I could tell you so many more stories about what God showed me through that season of life. In ALL seasons of my life actually. But if you have read this far, something tells me you may be looking for a word of encouragement. Maybe you are in a “season of waiting” as well. Maybe it’s a child, a spouse, or a new job. My prayer for you is that you keep seeking Him. He may not give us everything we want in life or desire, but He will reveal Himself when we keep looking to Him. He WANTS a personal relationship with YOU too.
